Grieving for Pets

I recently had a friend lose a beloved pet that they had for 15 years.  And it got me thinking about how different people deal with losing a pet in different ways. Some people just don't get it. Either they've never had a pet at all or they've never had a pet that they've bonded with. Having a pet that you love and then losing it, is one of those things that you just can't understand if you've never been through it.

 I have had the unfortunate experience of losing a pet I loved many times. I grew up always having some kind of pet in the house…dogs, cats, birds, rabbits. And part of having a pet is dealing with the inevitability of their death. Each time I've had a pet die, the experience has been a bit different. Some pets I bonded with and some I didn't. The ones I didn't bond with, I still cared about and it was sad to lose them but life went on pretty quickly. The ones I did bond with, it was very painful and devastating and there was a period of definite grieving.  

Every person grieves in different ways and in different time frames. None is right or wrong. However I think there are a few things to consider when you're dealing with pet grief.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people will have a pet die and the very next day they are out getting a new pet. I mean, if you were married to your spouse for 15, 20, 25+ years and they passed away, would you immediately run out the next week and get a new wife or husband? Let's say your best friend passed away…would you automatically say, "oh well, I'm so sad but I'll just move on to the next best friend." Most people would think thats ridiculous or even disrespectful to the deceased. Yet how many times do people do that with their pets? Why should our pets be treated or grieved any differently? 

Ragamuffin on the right, and in the top picture she is the one on the bottom left with her back to the camera. she is playing with her siblings.

For me, when I have truly bonded with a pet they become another member of the family. I don't have children of my own so my bunnies are like my babies. When my husband is not around, my rabbits become my listening ears when I've had a busy day. They are a friend to me when I'm sad. They are a comfort to me when I'm anxious. When I had my cat, Ragamuffin, she would greet me at the front door when I came home from school and was always happy to see me. She followed me everywhere I went. My bunny, Mr. Sparkle was a little ray of sunshine on cloudy days. He made the house not seem so empty when I was grieving over a miscarriage and later infertility. When I lost these two special pets, I grieved as though my best friend or a close family member had passed away. Because they were my best friends; they were my family.

When Mr. Sparkle passed over the Rainbow Bridge, I was so devastated that for a long time I thought I might never get another pet again. It took me about 5-6 years before I began to even consider getting another pet. And I looked into every other pet except a rabbit.  I really researched guinea pigs and even potbellied pigs. Finally I realized that nothing would make me happier than a rabbit. Then I had to convince my husband. He was more reluctant than I was. Mr. Sparkle was the only pet he had ever had and his loss affected him more than he first realized. 

Then in September 2014, a friend at church had a mama bunny with babies. I knew this was my chance. My husband eventually relented and we brought home our Hazel and Fiver to be part of our family that November. I know that some day it will come time for Hazel and Fiver to cross the Rainbow Bridge. I already cringe just thinking about it as I can't imagine life without them now. And hopefully that is a long way off as they are only 7 months old and they will live to the ripe old age of 13! But death is a part of life and it will be difficult and heartbreaking. And I will have to deal with my own grief when that time comes.

For me it took a long time to get past Sparkle's death. And there will always be a place in my heart for him. But I'm glad I took the time to grieve properly so that when the time came for me to open my heart to two new bunnies, I was able to do it freely, without hesitation, and wholeheartedly. While grieving hurts, you can't just shove your pain under the rug thinking if I get a new pet tomorrow magically all the pain will disappear and I can forget. I didn't want to forget. If I had to forget the pain of losing Sparkle, that meant I had to forget the reason it hurt so much…the love I had for him and the joy he brought to my life.

Again, everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. There is no right or wrong way. One may grieve for years while someone else may grieve for a couple weeks. Either way it's important (and its healthy) to take that time to, not just grieve for your loss, but to remember the gift that animal was to your life. And when you're truly ready to open your heart to another pet, you can jump in with both feet ready to love unconditionally as they so do for us.

Do bunnies like story-time?

I've been having a few rough days recently with this whole bonding process and I'm pretty discouraged and frustrated. So I needed to look back to happier times with the buns to remind myself how much I really do love them. I immediately think back to the two weeks directly after their spay/neuter surgeries.

The surgeries were a success but Hazel still had her stitches in and they both had received doctor's orders to take it easy for at least ten days, at which point the stitches would be removed (for her) or dissolved (for him). When I asked if they were allowed to have any exercise time at all, I was cautiously told, "very limited".  My buns were used to having lots of playtime every morning and every evening. And any time Fiver, especially, was told it was not his turn to be out yet, he would promptly begin to chew on the cage bars. So I knew right away, this was going to be a very long two weeks.

Hazel, with her cone of shame, which lasted all of about 5 minutes before we took them off

The first few days they were both pretty subdued with recovery, though Fiver was ready to go much quicker than Hazel. I knew if I didn't come up with some way to keep them occupied and relaxed during their most active times, they would drive themselves (and Mama) absolutely crazy in no time flat! I once read something somewhere about someone reading to their rabbits and at first I thought, yeah right, that'll work! But during this crazy time, what was a crazy book-loving bunny mama going to do to keep her buns happy? Why not try reading to them and see what happens?

by Chapter 2...

Well, there's no better book to start with than Watership Down, of course. Not only is it about a group of brave intelligent rabbits not unlike my own, but its also where their names come from! So I dim the lights a bit, turn down the TV, and sat down on the floor in front their cages with the book in hand. As I begin reading, they're still pretty active and dying to get out to run around. But by Chapter 2, I notice they had quieted down and were calmly grooming themselves.  By Chapter 3, I look up and about die from a cuteness overload when I see both bunnies flopped out on their sides with their eyes closed!

by Chapter 3...

Could it be? Are they actually enjoying the reading? Is this actually working?? Maybe it was just a fluke. But night after night, I go through the same process and every night I see the same response! They were so relaxed and looked so happy! I felt like the best bunny mom ever!***

so relaxed and happy!

Every once in a while, I still pull out the book and read to them just for fun. But bunny story-time got us through a really rough time for them. And after the rough day we had today, it reminds me that we will get through this too. This too shall pass. And at the end of the day, all I want is for them to be happy. Whether they ever end up being happy together, or have to stay separate to be happy, I just want what's best for them. I do still truly love my Hazel Basil and my Fiver Boy!

bunny kisses through the cage

Hazel and Fiver: A Brief History

For my first blog post I thought it would be best to introduce ourselves. I am the proud bunny-mama of these two adorable Rex rabbits, Hazel and Fiver. They are almost 5 months old, Hazel is a girl and Fiver is a boy (and yes they have been recently spayed and neutered…very important topic which I will probably touch on in another post).

This is the day I picked them out as mine! They were about 4 weeks old at the time!

First a little background…

I fell in love with rabbits about 16 years ago and have owned two other rabbits previously. Both I loved and lost. The second one, Mr. Sparkle, was especially dear to me and it was devastating when we lost him too soon. You can read more about their stories in Our Bunny Story. So much so that I wasn’t sure I could ever open my heart to another rabbit again.

But eventually my heart began to yearn for another pet. We talked about a variety of pets we could get (even a pig!) but I always kept coming back to rabbits. Could my heart take it? My husband wasn’t convinced. Then this past year, a friend of ours from church decided to try her hand at breeding her rabbit, a beautiful copper Rex girl named Little. In September 2014, Little gave birth to a litter of seven beautiful babies!

This is their birth mama, Little. Isn’t she beautiful?

Here’s the whole clan together for they all went to their forever homes.

My husband allowed me to go visit the babies and that was it…I was hooked! And he knew he had to give in! We knew we wanted to get a pair of rabbits so they could have their own companions. And we knew we wanted a girl and a boy…they tend to make the best bonded pairs.  After visiting the baby bunnies a couple times, I had my heart set on the two that had the most spots, The Twins, we all called them. And as luck would have it, they turned out to be a girl and a boy! I felt they were destined to be mine!

Once they were old enough, we brought them home and I’ve been enamored with them ever since! After much deliberation on the perfect bunny names, we decided to name them Hazel and Fiver. Where those names come from is a whole other blog post! So stay tuned!

My Hazel-girl on her favorite chair.

I love watching them play and interact together. I love watching how curious they are about EVERYTHING! And I love the little subtle ways they show their joy and affection to me. I even still love them when they are being naughty little fart bunnies!

My Fiver resting in his pen.

Owning a rabbit (or rabbits) is not without its complications and trials, and I plan on sharing those with you as well as all the cute things, but I wouldn’t change it for all the joy they bring to our house!! So I hope you enjoy my fart bunny adventures and I would love to be able to swap bunny stories with any other rabbit owners out there!