Grieving for Pets

I recently had a friend lose a beloved pet that they had for 15 years.  And it got me thinking about how different people deal with losing a pet in different ways. Some people just don't get it. Either they've never had a pet at all or they've never had a pet that they've bonded with. Having a pet that you love and then losing it, is one of those things that you just can't understand if you've never been through it.

 I have had the unfortunate experience of losing a pet I loved many times. I grew up always having some kind of pet in the house…dogs, cats, birds, rabbits. And part of having a pet is dealing with the inevitability of their death. Each time I've had a pet die, the experience has been a bit different. Some pets I bonded with and some I didn't. The ones I didn't bond with, I still cared about and it was sad to lose them but life went on pretty quickly. The ones I did bond with, it was very painful and devastating and there was a period of definite grieving.  

Every person grieves in different ways and in different time frames. None is right or wrong. However I think there are a few things to consider when you're dealing with pet grief.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people will have a pet die and the very next day they are out getting a new pet. I mean, if you were married to your spouse for 15, 20, 25+ years and they passed away, would you immediately run out the next week and get a new wife or husband? Let's say your best friend passed away…would you automatically say, "oh well, I'm so sad but I'll just move on to the next best friend." Most people would think thats ridiculous or even disrespectful to the deceased. Yet how many times do people do that with their pets? Why should our pets be treated or grieved any differently? 

Ragamuffin on the right, and in the top picture she is the one on the bottom left with her back to the camera. she is playing with her siblings.

For me, when I have truly bonded with a pet they become another member of the family. I don't have children of my own so my bunnies are like my babies. When my husband is not around, my rabbits become my listening ears when I've had a busy day. They are a friend to me when I'm sad. They are a comfort to me when I'm anxious. When I had my cat, Ragamuffin, she would greet me at the front door when I came home from school and was always happy to see me. She followed me everywhere I went. My bunny, Mr. Sparkle was a little ray of sunshine on cloudy days. He made the house not seem so empty when I was grieving over a miscarriage and later infertility. When I lost these two special pets, I grieved as though my best friend or a close family member had passed away. Because they were my best friends; they were my family.

When Mr. Sparkle passed over the Rainbow Bridge, I was so devastated that for a long time I thought I might never get another pet again. It took me about 5-6 years before I began to even consider getting another pet. And I looked into every other pet except a rabbit.  I really researched guinea pigs and even potbellied pigs. Finally I realized that nothing would make me happier than a rabbit. Then I had to convince my husband. He was more reluctant than I was. Mr. Sparkle was the only pet he had ever had and his loss affected him more than he first realized. 

Then in September 2014, a friend at church had a mama bunny with babies. I knew this was my chance. My husband eventually relented and we brought home our Hazel and Fiver to be part of our family that November. I know that some day it will come time for Hazel and Fiver to cross the Rainbow Bridge. I already cringe just thinking about it as I can't imagine life without them now. And hopefully that is a long way off as they are only 7 months old and they will live to the ripe old age of 13! But death is a part of life and it will be difficult and heartbreaking. And I will have to deal with my own grief when that time comes.

For me it took a long time to get past Sparkle's death. And there will always be a place in my heart for him. But I'm glad I took the time to grieve properly so that when the time came for me to open my heart to two new bunnies, I was able to do it freely, without hesitation, and wholeheartedly. While grieving hurts, you can't just shove your pain under the rug thinking if I get a new pet tomorrow magically all the pain will disappear and I can forget. I didn't want to forget. If I had to forget the pain of losing Sparkle, that meant I had to forget the reason it hurt so much…the love I had for him and the joy he brought to my life.

Again, everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. There is no right or wrong way. One may grieve for years while someone else may grieve for a couple weeks. Either way it's important (and its healthy) to take that time to, not just grieve for your loss, but to remember the gift that animal was to your life. And when you're truly ready to open your heart to another pet, you can jump in with both feet ready to love unconditionally as they so do for us.